My Special Angel,
How are you? Happy I hope. As always, I miss you, but I will wait because I am patient and only half crazy.
I do not mean to be intrusive and if you think I am meddling then please tell me. I will not be offended. I just do not want to offend you, but I do want to help. Why?. Because I am concerned for you, I worry for you, I want you to be happy and successful. Why? I believe the fates have decided to make it so. There is a current running through the universe affecting everything including humans. When a person’s intuition accesses that current, it tells him what he must do or what road to take. If he does not, then he will forever regret it as Eugene O’Negin did. After the happy week we spent dancing, walking, talking and hugging, it is clear to me that if I have any purpose left it is to help you.
You seem to have 3 concerns ( now doesn’t that sound like a lawyer):
About the degree. As I mentioned, there must be a particular person at the institute who can make the decision to grant you the degree. That individual may be willing to grant the degree, which you earned, in return for a gift. If you can find out what the gift is, I may be able to obtain it. Or I could visit the person and try to work out a deal.
About the apartment and your career. As I said, I do not know about the world you work in and, perhaps because of that, I think it is dangerous. However, danger and risk may be necessary in order to pursue your career. This is usually part of any career, there are always risks that a person must take to succeed. But if you are taking risks or increasing your danger to obtain the apartment, I can lend you 15 instead of 10 and you can pay me back when you want. Then you can court the world for your career and know that the risks are worth your success.
I know what you are saying, “Who is this crazy American? Why does he want to help me? What does he want from me? Well think of it this way. You gave me the card with the icons to protect me. I could not have given it to myself because I did not know about it and was not a believer. You did know about it and you are a believer and your concern for me caused you to do what you could in this world to protect me. Well my concern for you causes me to do what I can to protect you.
Talk with you later Angel.
Love
READ THIS LETTER FIRST
22 September
Hi My Delicious Angel (well I guess I do not know that yet but I can dream),
I am so happy that you are alright.
I have enclosed the two letters I wrote you before we talked on the telephone. Perhaps I went a little, okay a lot crazy, but you can see how worried I was that I would not see you again or worst that you needed help. I could not bear imagining you in danger and I was not there to help, so I started to organize a rescue mission. I contacted people I know who in turn know people who can help in any situation. I would lay awake at night putting together contingency plans for my going to Mexico with the right back up to help you out. After talking to you, however, I now believe you are safe But if I am wrong tell me and I will be there as soon as I can get a flight. In the meantime I can contact people in Mexico City who can provide you with assistance. In fact Kroll has an office there. Its number is 282 2882, at Andres Bello 10, piso 6, Col. Polanco. Just tell them you are a friend of the Manager of the Moscow Office and give them my name. They will be willing to help.
It must be very difficult and scary for you to have to go to Mexico to make money for your mother’s apartment. I cannot say I have ever been in a situation like that. I wonder how I would handle it, probably not as well as you. I am sorry if the two enclosed letters seem rather selfish in light of what you are going threw. You are struggling to survive while I complain about the bad breaks I believe I had in life. While not rich, I cannot say that I ever had to worry about survival on the contrary I often questioned its value, perhaps that explains the short line on my palm. Anyway, between the two of us, you are clearly in the more difficult situation. I want to tell you that I am on your side and will back you in whatever you do—as long as you do not say goodbye to me.
Now I will wait for you and not kiss any ladies until I see you again, I will be patient and try not to go crazy anymore.
Can I send you flowers or would that call attention to you? I move into a different apartment tomorrow. It is on the opposite side of Kutuzovsky near the metro. It is not as big or as nice and more expensive, but that is the market. When I was looking, the agents could not understand why I wanted to live in the same area. It is of course, because when I walk in the victory park, it reminds me of you.
Be safe Angel, my new home number is 249 2325.
Much Love Roy
S.W.A.K. (what does this mean)
My Far Away Angel,
I hope your are safe and no harm, either physical or psychological, is happening to you. I am beginning to slowly understand why you stayed, assuming you are staying of your own free will. I may be wrong, but I think you did not believe much of what I said. You are not the only one. All my life people did not believe much of what I said. Do you know who Cassandra was? The same happened to her.
So Angel where have you taken my heart? Mexico is a big country. Will you throw my heart into the garbage or will you keep it safe and unbroken? Will my stolen heart continue to beat in the hope of seeing you again or turn hard and cold from hopelessness. What will it be Angel? Will you follow your heart now that you have mine? (Twenty years from now remember that I asked that question.) Am I in your heart, if I am then ask me to wait. You once asked that of me and I waited. Perhaps you meant I should wait until you came back from Mexico at the end of the year. I will keep waiting if that is what your heart wants. Your heart Angel not your head. Don’t let your logic make the decision because it will be the wrong decision, which you will not realize is wrong for decades. Let your heart tell you, then it will be right. That’s just the way the universe works. It is in all the quantum mechanics books—your favorite subject: physics. That’s somewhat of a joke, but also very close to the truth.
You once said you thought our meeting was meant to be because of all the events that had to occur for us to actually run into each other. I hope you still believe that. There’s a path for everyone, some call it a first best destiny; when you are on that path, doors open where you never logically thought they could. I hope you wouldn’t throw this door away.
Telephone me. Tell the operator to make a collect station to station call to my office. If I am not here leave a message. They all know how I feel about you. The numbers again 095 280 8810, 095 280 9929, 095 743 1350. If they are busy try again. I will be moving to another apartment soon so that number is not good for calling—am I sounding like you now.
You cannot imagine how much I miss and worry about you.
Love Roy
To: Angelina Shipilina
Londres 216, Apartimento 6
Fax: 525 514 9837
October 3
My Darling Angel,
I just took a long walk in Victory Park. The sun was shinning and it was very warm. Much of the time I thought about you and how far away you are and how lonely that makes me. But you must be even more lonely than I in a country like Mexico. Do you find it pleasing or not a place to live? I just realized that it was 10 weeks ago today that we went to Gorky Park, and in the evening I gave you the first message.
Leonid gave me your fax number so I hope you receive this. Did you receive my letters? If you are able to send a letter please do. Or better yet, send pictures of you. I assume you still have my office address.
I talked to the American Embassy and it should not be a problem (of course you never know) to obtain a tourist visa for you to the US when you return. Of course we will need a story. I have one in mind and will tell you when I see you again.
In a way it is good that you are in Mexico. You are probably safer there than here. Leonid offered to tell me what you are doing, but I said no because if you wanted to you would tell me yourself. I know you will be wise in what ever you do.
I miss you terribly. Moscow is a lonely place to live. Even when I go out with friends, I wish I was with you dancing in some club.
Take care of yourself my guardian Angel.
(My Russian tutor is off, so I was unable to have this translated—sorry)
Love Roy
S.W.A.H. ( guest what it means)
My Missing Angel October 15
Como esta? I hope well, and I hope you are getting some rest so we can go dancing when you come back—Yes!!!!! And so we can kiss and more (?) when you come back—Yes!!!!! Your dancing and kissing are pure femininity and knock me out. You are my addiction along with chocolate and one other proclivity. We can go into that when we see each other again.
Have you seen any interesting sites in Mexico? What do you do on your days off? I caught an opera at the Bolshoi last weekend. It was Yolanda by Tciahkovsky. The young princess (always princes and princesses) was blind (she had never fallen in love) but she did not know (did not realize what she was missing) because her father (social authority) forbid anyone to tell her. (He was trying to keep her ignorant of the beauty he could not control and did not understand.) Have you ever been in love Angel? Anyway, a young (well may be not so young) rebellious prince (thinks there is more to life than social status and money) comes along and raises her consciousness (she falls in love and realizes what she has missed by following the enslaving rules of society). Before the two can consummate their love (unite in a union that transcends the physical and the emotional-- have you ever found such a union Angel?) the King (the conformist and unimaginative people in society) sentences the rebellious prince to death. Then a miraculous wise man from the mysterious East (metaphysical forces aka quantum cosmology) intercedes. The rebellious prince is saved (he transcends the restrictions of social order with the help of metaphysical philosophies) and unites with his other half the princess who now sees clearly the wonders of the worlds that lie beyond this very limited space time continuum in which we struggle to live.
That is tonight’s bed time story, now go to sleep my Angelic princess.
Love Roy
S.W.A.S.
Angel 13 November
It is Saturday night, dark and cold outside with snow on the ground and me here in a lonely office working because there is no one to go DANCING with. Where are you Angel? Why am I always alone. I thought you said I had a guardian angel to protect me. Doesn’t that mean protection from loneliness? Are you that protection? Will our differences doom the short future you saw in my hand? Enough of my moaning and groaning.
Don’t you become weary of this space time continuum. Life has not been easy for you like it has been for others who have so much they cannot decide what to choose from and then complain with tears of duplicity that they have to make a choice.
Oh well, I miss you, I look at your photos, I sleep with your dog, but the perfume is gone and I still feel lonely. I wonder whether we have a future and if so how long. I guess I should just let the universe and its metaphysical underpinnings unfold—after all you have a longer period of uncertainty facing you then I have.
I guess you are the only one I have now.
Love Roy
